I rather enjoy using TripAdvisor, and have found it’s unerringly accurate in its reviews for hotels. My trip has been particularly good using it, with some excellent places I’ve found (and I’d particularly recommend the Butterfly on Morrison in Hong Kong).

I write hotel reviews there, too: so far, I’ve written 49. You’ll not be interested in them, so I’ll not link to them. Damn.

I have just written the below review. Just for fun, I’ve copied the text that I’ve just submitted to TripAdvisor below. Clearly, I’m not insinuating that the ITC Grand Central sets out to rip off its guests; there are good reasons for the issues, I’m sure, and a hotel like that would never set out to extract as much money from the Rich Foreigner as it could.

Anyway, here it is – and it’ll be fun to see how much of this that TripAdvisor publish, along with my two-star review. (I’ve added the local beer brand here for clarification). [Later: they posted it in full, by the looks of things. Neat. UPDATE: I’ll be removing this review and editing it with the information in this update.

(Other than this, I’ve had a splendid time in Mumbai, thanks for asking. Blog posts soon, though I’ve got Australia yet.)

If you buy a pint of Kingfisher (local) beer in the Dublin “irish bar” (which seems to have the only similarity with ireland in the colour of its seats), you’ll be charged 600Rs plus tax – the equivalent of £9.83. £9.83!!! On checkout, I was told that the taxes on beer are very high here. Is that so? How come the cafe round the corner charges a rather more sensible £1.45, then? I’m sure it’s a special tax for hotels, since I’m sure this hotel doesn’t want to rip me off.

I booked, through a third party website, on a package that specifically says ‘free breakfast included every day”. On checkout, I’m charged for breakfast, and am told that the package I booked did not include breakfast. I’m sure it’s a genuine mistake, since I’m sure this hotel doesn’t want to rip me off.

UPDATE: I should mention that both hotels.com and the ITC themselves have expressed regret for this, and are fixing the issue.

On arrival, I bought 72 hours of internet access (for £24), with the intention of using it for 72 hours. I vacated the room at 12.00pm on the day of checkout, but intended to return to the hotel later and sit in the bar to work for a couple of hours. My 72 hours of internet access had already been cut off; and it took a visit to the IT team to reinstate the 72 hours that I’d originally paid for. I’m sure that they didn’t mean to cancel my internet access, since I’m sure this hotel doesn’t want to rip me off.

And, in the words of Craig David:
Came to the ITC Grand Central on the Thursday…
Used my credit card here on the Friday…
Got a fraudulent charge on the Saturday…
…and am now without a working Amex card. (Good job I always carry two.) I’m sure it’s only coincidence, and I’ve nothing to prove that the hotel did it; I’m sure this hotel doesn’t want to rip me off.

UPDATE: I did notice that my card had been double-swiped at checkin, and the hotel confirmed this with their CCTV footage, the hotel has since been in touch and given me the reasons for this double-swipe (the first was in a VISA machine). While the hotel did confuse my credit card company by doing something a little odd with my Amex on checkout, I’m happy to report that the issue was one of caution on behalf of my credit card company that my card may have been compromised, rather than a fraudulent charge.

Now, the room was nice and quiet, much of the attendants pleasant, the laundry service decent and fast, the breakfast excellent (a jar of Marmite!!), the bathroom a little old-fashioned, the TV system had a generous selection of English-language content on a decent LCD screen, the soap so nice I nicked some, the internet is nice and fast and has no spurious censorship, the hotel restaurant is sensibly priced and has decent food, it’s a nice clean building, it’s even within walking access to a train station (albeit fifteen minutes), and it’s nicely easy to catch taxis and other things. It’s not a bad place to be, really.

And the hotel really, really doesn’t want to rip me off. So, that’s okay, then. Because I’d not rate a hotel that wanted to rip me off very highly: certainly no more than two stars. Good job this one doesn’t want to rip me off, then, isn’t it? Good.

(Will this be okay, legal team?)

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