Ye Olde Cross Keys, says the sign as you near the door. You might already get concerned about how good this pub is going to be if it calls itself something so twee.

But it can’t be all bad: this pub, in Aldeburgh, Suffolk, also has a log fire and is an Adnams pub. Adnams is the local brewery, from the Sole Bay Brewery just up the road in Southwold. (I say “just up the road” – it takes a considerably long time to drive there, as I discovered a few years ago).

Take a trip to Southwold, and you’ll also fall into what looks like the Adnams brewery shop. If you’ve been to any beer festival, or frankly, any pub recently, you may be aware of the oast-house-shape logo and beer clips that Adnams use, and the excellent cartoony images of East Anglia now used on everything from beer mats to mouse mats, posters and coffee cups. You can, of course, buy Adnams merchandise there, as well as Adnams beer (at more-expensive-than-supermarket prices). But the shop also sells wine. Yes wine, which is a bit… well… odd.

Until you see the clientele of the Cross Keys, that is.

I feel one of the oldest there. Looking around is what I can only surmise is a group of either university students or stockbrokers, arm-in-arm with doey-eyed blondes who probably all work in PR. They’re wearing totally new-looking clothes: the country-look, probably a mix of Timberland from Carnaby Street and Hackett, that shop on Regent Street that decked out the rugby team a few years ago, and continue to dress clueless chief executives with check shirted nastiness. Frankly, these people don’t look as if they’ve ever been in the country before; they’ve probably rolled-up in their Range Rovers and newly-bought chunky knitwear only hours before, and are most upset that there’s no edge coverage on their BlackBerry. They all look virtually identical – square-chinned closely-cropped brown-haired posh blokes in rugby shirts or checked lumberjack shirts, accompanied by blondes with slightly too much eye-shadow wearing very similar.

The clientele is frankly hateful. They’re crammed into this pub like some kind of unpleasant cloned disease, “Yah”ing to themselves. I try to ignore them.

On offer when I went to the Cross Keys were the full standard Adnams range of Explorer, The Bitter, and Broadside. All these Adnams beers are also available in supermarkets and pubs across the country. “The Bitter” is a silly name, quite frankly, for a beer. I think it earnt the “The” fairly recently from a man in marketing.

Explorer is a light beer, and the newest of the Adnams range. I try one; it’s surprisingly colourless, and concerningly watery, with little taste to it. It would quench a thirst. It wouldn’t worry someone who’s used to Carling or Fosters, either. I find it a bit of a waste of time. It actually tastes better bottled: it tastes rather dull here from draft.

I fight my way to the bar, where the stockbrokers are congregated, unaware that anyone else other than them might like more beer, this being a PUB AND EVERYTHING. The attractive and unaccountably-giggly girl behind the bar takes my glasses, giggles, asks me what I’d like to drink, giggles, pours, giggles, blushes, asks me for frankly enough money to pay for this in central London instead of a sleepy seaside town nearly 45 minutes’ drive from Ipswich, giggles, takes my money, giggles, gives me change, giggles, blushes, and passes me the beer I’ve just bought because I can’t get near the bar because the stockbrokers are there blocking every avenue to the bar for the polite and thirsty. She giggles again. I’ve a lot of time for attractive girls who giggle and blush, until I realise she’s blonde and wearing a rugby shirt, which sadly means she probably works in PR during the week.

Broadside, on the other hand: well now. This is a darker, stronger beer. I think, from memory, that the bottled version is stronger than the draft you get in pubs; but even in a pub, this isn’t a ’session beer’, one of those beers you can drink all evening. This is last-of-the-evening stuff; sweet and full-flavoured, with a toffee taste. It’s always been my favourite Adnams beer.

And it’s the favourite of the clientele, who are currently slapping each other on the back. One slightly older PR woman has just asked us for our spare seat – she’s wearing knitwear, an ever-so-posh scarfette, and a large chunky ornate silver bangle-necklace. She probably thinks we’re the locals.

In short, then: ignore the “Ye Olde” – the Cross Keys is a nice pub to go in, if a little twee and formulaic for a seaside pub. Adnams beers are probably quite a good choice – I’ve tasted considerably worse. All you have to do is ensure that it’s not the stockbrokers’ day out.

Photo: cyocum on Flickr. Used under licence.

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